last june my friend sydney killed herself. this coincided, roughly, with the bubble bursting on the well scripted life i'd been leading up to that point. i don't mention this a lot. reality is that she's gone now, and since then everything has been pretty raw ( Read more... )

battlestar galactica season three: commencing as soon as i hit play, in a minute.

( season two feelings )

two episodes into BSG season two and i'm already and weeping, nervous wreck ( Read more... )

he spends a day sending songs to your email address that make no sense. at this point, in this place in your life, it just doesn't make sense. because he knows these stories. when you were a kid you turned on that jewel album because it made sense and you, small and awkward and sort of helpless when it came to making friends, did not. you never ( Read more... )

SOMETIMES I WISH I FELT LIKE I LIVED A MORE PRODUCTIVE AND LESS SAPPY MOPEY CONSTANTLY WITH A COLD EXISTENCE. IS IT JUNE YET JFC ( Read more... )

this year is almost over, and i'm hoping that it'll help me breathe easier. this year has been devastating in that way where i didn't actually know this kind of hurt could happen, but maybe it's like fucking up soil before you plant the seeds. what's that called? tilling? i could've just completely made that up. but if soil had nerve endings, it ( Read more... )

he says, "let me tell you that every single day i get lost in how you're gone." and he says a lot more after that, and this is the first he's spoken to you in a week, and it's strange, because it's not small talk, but you'd almost prefer it. because it wouldn't make your stomach clench, wouldn't make you feel sick for what you know will be the next ( Read more... )

i wish i knew what to do with myself. i wish i felt stronger. i know i'm strong. it's just that it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, and if i could do anything, it would be to stop this pain, because i can tell anyone anything about how angry i am, but i don't stop loving him. i never stop loving him and i feel so stupid ( Read more... )

you said you did once, but you don't now, and i don't understand how you could just. take it back. how could you take it back?

alaskaalaskaalaska.

i need to sleep at night. maybe. sleep instead of run myself down the the ends of my nerves and come back gasping for some sort of relief. there is none.